I think my blog is going to shift gears for the next few
weeks. I’m in need of things that aren’t
so fitness related. I’ve actually been
completely horrible at blogging over the last month or so. Not sure why, I just never seem to have the
time to get it together. But today I
just feel the need to “think out loud”.
Does that make sense? Do I really
want to put this out there? Well,
honestly, I really don’t care. I just
need to type. My biggest question today is
how did I get so lucky?
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| I'm truly a lucky girl <3 |
Waking up at 4am every day in order to be at the gym by 4:45
is how life has been since Feb 12th of this year. That is the day I started my morning routine
at the YMCA. That is also the day my
husband began to hate the fact that I work out.
That is the day that every time I mentioned something about my workout, he’d
cringe. And , it absolutely hurts my feelings. I am working so hard and to know his reaction just hurt. Now, don't get me wrong. He sees the physical change
in me since starting at the gym. He
tells me that he’s proud of me for my commitment. BUT, had I never once stepped foot inside
that gym, he would have still continued to tell me how beautiful I was. How sexy he thinks I am and how he thinks
about me all day every day while we are at work. Gahh, I love that man! He would do that because it’s true. No matter what I weigh, what size clothes I
wear or how much I leg press this week….my husband loves me. And he simply loves me FOR ME! How on earth did I get so damn lucky???
He is IN LOVE WITH ME!! Fat me. In shape me. Me that can press 290lbs. He is in love with me!
What in the hell is wrong with me? Why have I taken that for granted for so many
years. Why am I just now realizing that
no matter what I think of my body HE LOVES IT!
Why can’t I? Sure I’m confident
for the most part. But I think that
confidence comes from over compensating for fears that I have. Fear of embarrassing him. Fear of embarrassing myself. Fears that all the people I know will think I’m
fat. Fearful that he deserves better and
will ultimately decide that is what he wants.
But I know better! I know deep in my heart and soul that man loves me with every fiber
of his being. He will love me until the
day he dies. And all of a sudden I have
had a peace come over my heart that I am safe.
That he won’t leave me because I might gain a bit of weight, just like
he won’t leave me if I lose a bit of weight.
My husband, my best friend, he loves me simply for me. I need to love myself! Every flaw! My husband is an amazing man!! Meeting him at 17 and being married at
19 has pretty much meant we’ve grown up together. We have hit some extremely rough patches and
right now I think we are in a rut. Our
daughter moved out in February of this year and we are still adjusting to it
just being us. It’s not so much that we miss
her, though we definitely do, it’s more that WE are in a daily, same ol' same ol' boring as hell, rut. And honestly, I take full blame. You see, getting up at 4 am, working all day
which also consists of running errands, being a mom, sister, aunt, friend etc makes
for a long day. So when I get home at
4:45, and the routine continues with throwing clothes in the wash, starting dinner,
getting gym/work clothes ready for the next day, finishing supper, doing
dishes and every 3 days, polishing my nails and if we are lucky I’m still awake until
9. Every.Single.Day. By the weekend, if I can manage to stay awake
until 10pm we are doing good. I’m just
exhausted. Like, sit still for 10
minutes on the couch….I’m snoring! That is not fair to him. So, starting tonight I will start to change this routine up a bit. It will begin with having dinner together at the
table instead of on the couch in front of the tv. I cook supper EVERY night. Regardless of what my meal plan consists of,
I fix him whatever supper he’d like.
Normally we eat in the living room, on the ottomans, in front of the
tv. I think we’ll take a break from
that. This will start today and if he
wants to eat, he’ll do what I say!
;) It will give us time to
actually talk to each other instead of staring at the tv. A chance to reflect on the day we’ve each had
and just talk. We used to do this and I
remember he enjoyed sitting at the bar while I cooked and supper always ended
with him helping me clean the kitchen after we finished. He is always so good at helping with little
things and without fail, he thanks me every night for cooking. He’s such a kind and thoughtful man. And tonight instead of worrying about that
load of dirty towels, maybe I can convince him to take a walk down and check on
our pumpkins plants we have blooming.
Something just to keep us up and moving, talking and connecting. Tomorrow we will do it again. Anything for that one on one connection.
We are on vacation next week and I’m looking forward to
having that one on one time with him.
Unfortunately we aren’t able to afford a vacation away from home so we’ll
make the best of our “stay”cation. I’m
going to give up the M-F gym routine and sleep in every single day with the
handsome man of mine. I will try and get
in a couple of runs during the week but I believe that I owe him a few days of
sleeping in, breakfast in bed and just enjoying each other. I’m
cutting ties with social media for that week to the point I’m removing the apps
from my phone all together! J
Not that it’s a big deal normally, I just want to know that I’m doing
everything I can to focus solely on “US” for that week and be more intentional
with our time together. I will give him
my undivided attention because I know that is what he will do for me.
So again, I’m not really sure why I felt the need to just put
this out there other than to work through this in my mind. I never want to burden my
family/girlfriends. I’m the one they all
come too. I’m the one that helps others
as they go through rough patches. I’m
the one that keeps it together for the sake of everyone else. Well today I vow that I’m going to work on me
for a change. I’m going to be an insurance
agent from 7:30 to 4:30 every day but when I go home at 4:30 I’m going to be my
husbands wife, his friend, his partner in this crazy life but most importantly
I’m going to show him that I’m IN LOVE WITH HIM. Because you know what? I am! Again,
how in the world did I get so lucky? I
haven’t a clue but I’m so very thankful to God for giving this man to me.
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| An older picture but it's a favorite of both of ours :) |
